Today was a big day. I didn't sleep last night. I booked in at the hospital and went through all of my medical and antenatal history. My appointment was 45 minutes late and I had to sit in a normal waiting room full of pregnant women listening to the TV voice over talking about the joy of pregnancy. It was a long, angry 45 minutes.
I then went through to see Dr B. She was great and told us how pleased she was for us. She explained that a scan is needed to confirm viability before I can start the fragmin injections but that it may be too early to detect anything-did I want the scan now or in a week? I was terrified but decided that now would at least have a chance of reassuring me. She first did a transabdominal ultra sound & could detect the gestation sac & yolk sac but no heart beat so tried trans-vaginally. Still no heart beat.
Dr B has been my consultant for three years now and I trust her. She reassured me saying there is a pregnancy there and I'm not imagining it but that it's probably too early and too tiny to detect a heart beat. Inspite of how much I trust her, I can't help but feel heartbroken again. I worry that the baby stopped growing a few days ago and that's why it's too tiny. I can't help but feel terrified. I've got to go back in 2 weeks for another scan.
I guess I have to cling onto the fact that faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.....
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