Reasons to be Thankful

So... Samuel turned 3 on Friday. I was reflecting on what a difficult three years it's been. When we decided to try for a family we already knew that I have polycystic ovaries - our biggest fear was not being able to conceive naturally.
I was chatting to one of my closest friends who had a miscarriage very recently and we were talking about the fact that noone and nothing can prepare you for when having a family does not follow the usual 'get pregnant, stay pregnant for 9 months and have a fluffy baby at the end of it all'. I don't think our experience could be further removed from this norm. Samuel spent a month in special care following clotting on the placenta and restricted flow of blood to his vital organs. He had stopped growing as a result of this and was delivered at 33 weeks. Emilie-Rose was stillborn at 32 weeks following the same problems with the placenta and the added problem of placental abruption. 


I have to admit, there is a strong sense of jealousy that I feel towards women who have a 'normal' and what I would consider 'easy' (don't shoot me!) experience. However, I also have a friend who has the same clotting problems as me. Her beautiful baby girl died in special care at 18 days after being born at 25 weeks due to clotting. Her second baby girl was stillborn 11 months later due to clotting and placental abruption. I think of her every day and remember how blessed we are to have Sam.


So... I guess, taking all of this into consideration, or putting it aside if you will, here is what I am feeling thankful for today:


That my little boy is happy and healthy regardless of his start in life.

For the short time I spent with my beautiful daughter-I would have given anything for her to live but I would not change her and will always treasure how special she was.

For every single pregnancy symptom I experience-I am taking joy in each bit of nausea, every ounce of tiredness and everything else that comes with it.


For the wonderful maternity hospital and the amazing fetal medicine centre on my doorstep. I can't imagine factoring travelling for care into all of this!


For my wonderful husband who has been amazing over the past 3 years and has stood by me when I've felt like I'm having a post traumatic stress induced breakdown!


For our amazing community of friends. I don't know how we'd be getting through this without them. They have cooked for us, cared for us, prayed for us and loved us. I guess it's true that you realise who your friends are at times like this and as a great friend told my husband this week, 'it's at times like this that communities are formed'.....