Making the Blanket...

I've had a difficult couple of days trying to stay positive. I know that I've let fear take over and desperately don't want to live this way. My pregnancy calendar informed me that in a couple of days 'the nose, mouth and ears that you'll spend so much time kissing in eight months time are beginning to take shape'. I find I can barely read it. I want to know that I will hold and kiss my live baby when they are born but I feel almost too scared to let myself believe it. We had some people pray for us yesterday. They spoke to us about trusting God. One of them said she feels that at the moment our pregnancy can be likened to a misty morning where everything is quite dark and gloomy but by the end of the pregnancy the sun will have broken through to reveal a glorious day-that we will have our baby to bring home at the end of this. I am trying so hard to trust.....
I have started making a blanket. I made one for both Sam and Emilie but in the chaos and terror, Emilie never got to be wrapped in hers. It took me hours to make and is folded neatly in her memory box. I made a decision when we were trying for this baby that I didn't want to make or buy anything for them, just incase. But as the desire for another baby increased, so did the need to provide for them. The morning I found out I was pregnant I began to painstakingly crochet a new blanket. It will take me weeks but I know that that is what I need! I am focusing intently on the baby as I am making it and this is helping to make them more real to me. I read a while ago that hope is not wishy washy-it is a 'strong and confident expectation, the sure certainty that what God has promised in the Word is true, has occurred, and or will in accordance with God’s sure Word.' We will have a baby to wrap in the blanket I am making. They will be alive.