Monday 6 February 2012

Time to Move on?

Well it's official-I've had a miscarriage. My scan confirmed that my uterus is empty-my baby is gone. The only thing left behind is a large area of clotting which carries a risk of infection so I've been put on a course of anti biotics. I feel completely deflated. Even though I knew my baby had gone, hearing those words were still painful. I truly believed Dr B when she told me 'sorry'-I know she is desperate for us too.
From here we need to wait until I've finished these anti biotics and passed the blood clot. I'll need a D & C if I can't pass it myself and I don't think I can bear that-I just want this whole ordeal over and done with, I want to move forwards. We've been told we can start trying again as soon as I've finished the antibiotics. From a dating point of view there's no point in waiting and, as you're more fertile after having a miscarriage, there's every chance we could conceive naturally. This is what we desperately want but if it doesn't happen I am going to see my fertility consultant in 2 months time to be prescribed progesterone and start my clomid. There's a big risk of twin pregnancies with clomid and due to my clotting problems this could be really dangerous for me and for our babies so we really want (need) to conceive naturally. The only shred of hope I have left is that we'll conceive this cycle without intervention. I have an amazing medical team around me but they can't do anything until I am pregnant - I'm not on their radar until then - and for some reason this really hurts me.
I saw a blog site yesterday called 'knocked up, knocked down' and this is totally how I feel. What must it be like to get pregnant & have no doubt that you'll have a baby at the end of it?
I have no idea why my prayers haven't been answered but I do trust that this will happen for us. It's just a case of when....

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