Hoping for Spring

Even though there are little signs of spring everywhere, I still feel like we're in the middle of winter.  Everything you read on miscarriage says that you're more fertile straight afterwards.  It sounds like it kicks your body into action.  Only with me that doesn't seem to be happening.  I actually dread to think how much money we've spent on ovulation kits and fertility monitor sticks over the past 18 months or so and every day the reading is 'low fertility'.  It's like a kick in the stomach every single day and I keep wondering how long we can keep going with it.
I have recently got a tattoo on my back with the word 'tikvah'.  It's the Hebrew word for 'hope' the meaning of which originates from the idea of things being bound together by a cord or rope which endures when being stretched or teseted.  The concept of this sort of hope is trust being placed in an unbreakable promise.  The idea of hope in the Bible is to wait expectantly, with confidence and this is what we're trying hard to do.  I have to be honest through, and this is getting harder and harder for us.  We truly believe we will have a baby but we've been waiting for a very long time now and I can see the age gap between Sam and another baby getting bigger and bigger.  Our original plan was to have our children very close together - this isn't going to happen now and we can see that Sam is desperate for a sibling as we are.

As spring is approaching, though, I am seeing little signs of new life everywhere and my garden is starting to come back to life.  These signs are giving me tiny streaks of hope.  I desperately hope that we will get our sign of new life very soon...