So I'm waiting. I've been waiting for 2 years now; waiting for test results, waiting for appointments, waiting for ovulation, waiting for my (ridiculously long & irregular 50 + days) cycle to move on, waiting for blue lines, pink lines & digital 'pregnant' signs, waiting for scans, waiting for babies. And now I'm waiting for the inevitable. My baby is under the recommended size for intervention. This recommendation is in place to ensure that potentially viable pregnancies aren't unnecessarily terminated. I hate that word - termination. It implies a choice, but there's no choice here. In my case, although my baby is tiny, I know that a heart beat was there and then it wasn't. I know my baby is dead. I also understand that this procedure is in place for my own well being. I don't want to be questioning what may or may not have happened if I'd have waited. I have my scan on Monday. They will either tell me a miracle has taken place, tell me I need surgery to remove my baby, or tell me that my body has cleared it.
I am still not having cramps and bleeding is still sporadic. I know that this is the calm before the storm but the waiting is wearing me down. I know that God has come through for me before but I have nothing left. If you pray then please pray for a miracle. Or pray that my body will have cleared it. I can't face surgery and I certainly can't face any more waiting...
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