Sunday, 5 August 2012

Pin Cushion

So I'm feeling a little bit like a pin cushion having had 2 weeks of Menopur injections to try and stimulate my ovaries. The good news is it's finally worked and now we're trusting that the medics know what they're doing in timing the IUI procedure. So much trust is needed and I don't have much left. Last week someone said to me that it is God I need to trust as he has the final say. I'll be honest, I'm finding it really hard. So much has happened over the last 2 years or so to challenge my trust and I find myself asking 'why?'.
My community has been rocked over the past 2 months with the critical illness of an 8 year old boy. The doctors have now said that there is nothing else that can be done for him yet his parents and friends still cling to their faith knowing that God is bigger. I don't know what the outcome of the situation will be but I do know that Jesus said (Matthew 5:45 (NLT))
'...he gives his sunlight to both the evil and the good, and he sends rain on the just and the unjust alike'. We were never promised an easy ride but we were promised that God would be with us in times of adversity and difficulty.
(Isaiah 43:2 (NLT))
'When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you'. I am completely in awe of the little boy's family's faith and trust in God.
Recently I have found my prayers changing from begging for pregnancy to reminding God what the desire of my heart is and asking him to allow what's best for us to happen. I have wanted to be a mum for as long as I can remember. I work with children and I sometimes prefer being around children to adults (!). It's who I am and what I do and everyone knows that. Had Emilie survived we would probably be looking into foster care by now which is something we've always wanted to do; we have been desperate to make a difference in the lives of children who need it. So, we have made the decision to look into foster care now anyway regardless of where we are in the treatment journey. I feel like we could put our lives on hold forever but for us it's been over 2 years of waiting and hoping and I feel that we're ready to move forwards. Don't get me wrong - the desire of my heart is still to be pregnant and have our own baby but foster care has always been the long term plan for us. And why wait?...