Longing

For 32 weeks he waited patiently to meet his baby sister,
He knew her by name,
He cuddled her tiny bump and gave it kisses,
Saying 'goodnight' to her each night.
He carefully chose out toys for her to play with and put them to one side,
For the time when she would be here for him to share them with her.
He ran around her room each night at bedtime,
Basking in his own excitement.
He saw her everywhere,
She was constantly at the forefront on his mind,
On billboard images of newborns and on TV ultrasound images,
Certain that HIS baby sister was special enough to be shown publicly.
Proud before he'd even met her.

And then came the news that his baby sister had died,
He was there to witness it,
Too young to understand what was going on around him,
But old enough to know that something was wrong.
A fuss was made of him,
He got biscuits and juice,
Coo'd over by the midwives and doctors,
Whilst his parents endured unspeakable pain.

Days of confusion followed as he was passed from friend to friend,
He looked through photographs of her and asked questions that only a 2 1/2 year old could ask,
'Why did we leave her at hospital?'
'Did she have a poorly tummy or a poorly head?'
'What does died mean?'
'Where is heaven?'
'Will she come back next week?'
'Maybe we can get another one?'
We swallowed our pain to answer his questions as well as we could.

Then the eating stopped and his behaviour changed,
We watched as he lost weight,
And became a more withdrawn, more sensitive version of his former self.
He saw babies everywhere,
And withdraw from them,
He asked where his baby sister was,
And why he doesn't have a sibling.
The confusion carries on.

He misses and mentions her daily,
He asks if he can have a baby in his tummy,
To solve all our problems.
He prays for a baby,
And asks what they will be called,
He has a simplistic understanding of hope,
And truly believes that he'll get what he asks for.
We strive to have that childlike faith,
But our experiences cloud our vision,
I long to give him that sibling -
To watch him play with and care for them.
What a great big brother he'll make....
One day.