We attended the fertility clinic this morning. Sam had to come with us and it was the first time he had been to the hospital since the day Emilie died. I forgot about the significance of this as I've been goodness only knows how many times since her death. I briefed him before we left and he seemed ok about it until a few minutes before hand when he pointed at a photo of Emilie and asked 'are we going to give that photo to Emilie today?'. Following discussion it became apparent that he thought we were going to the hospital to see her. What a confusing time for a 3 year old-I sometimes under estimate the extent of his grief and the effect that all of this is having on him. He was very clingy at the hospital and very quiet on the way home. I wondered what must be going through his mind...?
We followed the appointment up with a visit to see a friend who moved away last year. She has also suffered a number of pregnancy losses and seeing her children playing with Sam made me see what wonderful siblings they will make when they get the chance and how much Sam longs to have siblings to play with. They spent ages rolling down hills, playing in the park and playing hide and seek. How wonderfully uncomplicated the lives of children are!
It is days like today that I am reminded of how lucky I am and how thankful I am for what I have got. It's days like today when I can see that glimmer of sun through the grey clouds.
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