Memories...

Today marks a year since we found out we were having a little girl. And here she is...




Not a day goes by that I don't think about her or miss her. I miss everything about her and even find myself missing the 'should have been moments'. She would be 9 months old next week and should be sitting up, crawling and keeping me on her toes in the way her big brother did. But I don't have those memories. Instead I have memories of her mannerisms and personality when I was pregnant with her; Her sheer defiance at remaining in the uncomfortable positions she would curl into; Her fighter spirit to survive as long as she did in spite of all of the problems she had; her dainty little fingers and toes and the way her tiny mouth looked; the way it felt to hold her. I remember the joy I felt when I found out I was having a little girl. I made a dress for her a couple of weeks later and bought tiny pink outfits that sit unworn in her memory box.





We decorated her room in a jungle theme and the 3 of us made a handprint tree for her - our stamp on her room.




These are the things that I want to remember - not the trauma of the day she died or the despondency of the weeks and months to follow, but the special memories I have of my beautiful little girl. Every day that goes by is a day less for me to wait to see her again. I can't wait until that day.




I really hope that one day we can tell her baby brother or sister about their amazing big sister with a fighting spirit. I long for that day too.....

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