They Think It's All Over

It's over. The bleeding and cramping have stopped and I'm left feeling pretty empty. I'm getting confused and keep finding myself talking about the baby I've just lost as Emilie. When I found out I was pregnant I knew it was a different baby. I accepted that and was even happy with the fact that I felt it was a little boy. But now my head is all over the place & I'm struggling to differentiate between the two. I guess losing 2 babies in 4 1/2 months isn't a usual situation - especially when one was virtually full term.
Inspite of all this, though, I'm determined not to be defeated. I don't want to be defined by this - I don't want it to be what people think of when they hear my name, or if they do think of it I want it to be because of how I've dealt with it. I feel emotionally and physically exhausted but I want to come through this fighting and to have an amazing story to tell at the end of it-I'm not willing to let this be the end.

Today I helped organise a bake sale in aid of special care baby charity Bliss. I've spent the past week baking like mad-move over Mary Berry-and last night we had a constant stream of friends dropping off donated baked goods! People always ask what they can do & I love being able to say 'here's something'! I have to admit, that inspite of Sam's prematurity, I possibly wouldn't have had the get up & go to do something like this but what happened with Emilie has spurred me into action. It's also given me a focus over the past few weeks & I've thoroughly enjoyed preparing for it! We raised £750-amazing! Already that's something good to come out of this situation,  
                                                                                    right?!